Haiku Chat 2 ~ My haiku is better when you write it!

  

Date: 30 June 2006
Topic: this haiku.

summer rain stops ~
butterflies emerge from
mystery shelters

[N] Rain has stopped and the sunlight is gentle
 

[N] Butterflies have come from nowhere! Where were they hiding?

...


[S] summer rain stops ~ / butterflies emerge / from mystery shelters


[
N] Beautiful


[
N] So you write a haiku for me!


[S] I thought of suggesting you write, but i felt one coming


[
S] Thank you


[
S] I'll dedicate it to you


[
N] The mystery shelters is very suggestive and unique ~ i would never have caught that


[S] Thank you


[
N] The verb emerge is very accurate


[
N] Please post this chat also


[S] Yes, good idea

...


[
N] it was my happy suggestion that kindled the haiku in you


[
N] i am happier you made it a haiku ! i knew a haiku was there too. it is deeper and subtler joy making you write the lovely haiku


[S] Yes


[
N] summer rain stops ~ / butterflies emerge / from mystery shelters


[
N] I think "from" should go to the middle line~


[S] True


[
S] summer rain stops ~ / butterflies emerge from / mystery shelters


[
S] It reads better


[
N] Yes surely ~


[
N] I am very happy about this event


[
N] You have done a great feat and it is to my joy too.


[
N] I also realize another curious thing, that I am happier you wrote it and I read it. The pleasure of discovery is more


[S] That's true always


[
N] We try to be as true and egoless here ~ this chat shows also the depth of true intimacy


[
N] My haiku is better when you write it!


[
N] We are showing the brahman way ! Of Light and Truth


[
N] I am not simply praising you.


[
N] I have rarely been so delighted


[S] It really is a great thing


[
N] Let All Be Light ~ Endless Light .


[S] The haiku is surely inspired


[
S] It is almost
midnight here so when you delighted in the sunlight


[S] It was delightful for me


[S] Somewhere there is gentle sunlight after rain ~ and butterflies


[S] I could see it clearly

...


[S] At first i thought of turning your exclamation into a haiku more literally


[S] but as i got into it, it revealed


[
N] But it is deeply mine too although you wrote it!


[S] Surely


[
N] Actually it is very pleasant here in sunlight between heavy rains


[S] Yes


[
N] So I have justified myself as a haijin one day older! Now we are of the same age!

...


Little after this chat was written, Narayanan wrote a fine elucidation of this haiku.

[N] Before concluding I also wanted to note that "emerge" is a better verb than "appear" or "come out", because it creates a deep suspense and the mystery gets cleared in the "mystery shelter".

[N] "mystery shelter" is not necessarily an earthy shelter. It could be a hidden paradise which is hidden from man. It almost hints that the appearance of butterflies is a divine mystery! In the idealist Borgesian-Funesian way it is as if new butterflies have been created anew in the cosmos ~ To Funes the same dog at the two windows are different dogs ~ Gestalts of distinct cognition.


[N]: "shelter" is a very powerful appropriate word too ~ it is Sanskrit "abhayam" which also means free from fear, so here you are also saying they are fearlessly sheltered somewhere


[N]: Again "shelter" is both noun and verb and "mystery" too is a noun used as an adjective ~ This enriches the whole Haiku and creates a yugen we may tentatively say

  




Please login to post comment.