Comments
Dear Cindy you have used 2/4/6/8/2 syllable count per line to characterize this verse as a cinquain and that may be treated as better than the number of words characterization..

But I personally feel it could be better read as a free verse .

It is a very good short free verse! The pun on here/hear works very well too.

I think it could be better arranged as follows for a more intense synthetic reading.

bird chirps
echo throughout
the morning as if to say
this is the here
and the hear after

I also think that it can be treated as a Tanka in this format

Narayanan Raghunathan Wed, Apr 14th 2010, 03:29  
  
Thanks for your comments. I appreciate the feedback. You are right--I chose the syllable count to express my cinquain. The reason I chose this format and centered the poem is so that the shape would appear like a bell. My intent was to echo the title. By leaving the third line with the last word 'to' it emphasizes that particular word. "To" is also a pun on the number "two" as in two sounds--the original and its echo (although an echo can sound more than once the first echo is the closest one to the original sound.) Anyway, rightly or wrongly, those are my reasons.
Cindy Tebo Wed, Apr 14th 2010, 11:08  
  
Thank you so much Cindy for the fine clarification. The "bell shape" was a revelation to me. Your reasons are valid. I felt that the "after" in the last line jutted out of place.I apologize for my intrusion in this context.

Narayanan Raghunathan Wed, Apr 14th 2010, 13:18  
  
This was written in 2007. I appreciate your letting me know what doesn't look or sound right to you when you are reading the cinquain. Thanks!
Cindy Tebo Wed, Apr 14th 2010, 14:41  
  
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