Haiku Chat 7 ~ Many Frogs or One Frog?

  

Date: June 15 2006
Topic: this haiku.

midnight frogs croak~
a distant train empties 
itself into silence

[N] midnight frogs' croak~ / a distant train empties / itself into silence

[N] Any changes?

[S] I prefer one frog

[N] Okay

[N] Yes it is better

[N] Is "itself" necessary ?

[S] Yes it is

[N] Yes so I thought

[S] It is the specialty of the haiku

[N] Yes

[N] It makes sound visible tapering into silence

[S] Yes exactly

[S] Actually many frogs seems smoother somehow

[N] It is all sound invoked  

[N] Yes

[S] I am not sure

[N] I thought so too

[N] Nor am I

[N] So I asked u

[S] I think many is better

[N] I think it is more natural

[S] Yes, that's it
 
[N] midnight frogs' croak~ / a distant train empties / itself into silence

[S] Very good

[N] Thank you

[N] So a haiku
...
[N] Our school is rhythmic

[S] Yes, true

[N] There is a pause after "train" when you read

[S] Yes

[S] "train" is nasal tapering ~ e starts again

[N] Yes ~ wow 

[S] Our haiku come with deep structure

[N] Yes

[S] Yours especially are like mantrams

[N] Are they thank you ~ you have observed deeply

[S] Also after "itself", it becomes more and more silent and ends in silence

[N] Yes

[N] You see, we chose many frogs for the mantram quality of the whole

[N] It has chandas

[N] It is my familiarity with Sanskrit mantrams and Sri Auro's Savitri

  




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