Perhaps Chèvrefeuille, you could delete the (first) "coolness" and trim the tanka thus ~
taking a last zip
of the last drop of water
burns my throat
desert sand between my toes
ah! that coolness
Of course, obviously, if you presume that "the coolness" should be repeated because of some personal poetic necessity/ /idiocyncrazy, well then kindly obliviate/ignore my tentative editorial suggestion
taking a last zip
of the last drop of water
burns my throat
desert sand between my toes
ah! that coolness
Of course, obviously, if you presume that "the coolness" should be repeated because of some personal poetic necessity/ /idiocyncrazy, well then kindly obliviate/ignore my tentative editorial suggestion