Haiku Chat 3 ~ The Old Woman

Topic: This Photo Haiku

vineyards flow
into the empty sky ~
an old woman on
a summer pathway

[N] http://www.wonderhaikuworlds.com/haikufromphoto.php?image=97

[S] lovely

[S] delightful haiku

[N] it is an old one

[N] thank you
...
[N] is the "empty" before sky needed

[N] i felt it added rhythm and looked well in place

[S] yes it adds something

[S] a vastness too

[N] yes

[N] a seamless vastness was what came to me

[S] yes

[N] it almost rhymes !

[S] yes, twice

[S] flow ~ on

[S] sky ~ pathway

[N] yes

[N] vineyards flow ~ an old woman on a summer pathway into the empty sky

[N] another shuffled reading

[N] but the original is better

[S] surely

[N] but a haiku with an alternate reading is seen and appreciated by some !

[S] i see

[N] i am happy you found this haiku to your taste ~ i had a personal doubt

[S] yes in this case the alternate reading has a different feel

[S] Vineyards flow feels incomplete by itself

[N] The haiku has a sense of seasonal change and wabi-sabi with the solitary old woman ! "Old" and death related words are often used by some to create a wabi-sabi ~ but those words alone don't suffice ~ there must be a scenic atmospheric necessity for the structure of the haiku and content

[N] in the structure

[N] Even the summer seems necessary ~ try reading without it ! and brings in the essential kigo too.

[S] surely

[S] Here there is also a link between old woman and the unmade wine in the vineyard ~ since wine is a metaphor for aging there is a symbolic air

[S] Old woman is intrinsically necessary

[N] Yes i did not notice it ! thank you for deeper reading ~ i realize i sensed it unconsciously i guess ! yes she is intrinsically necessary

[N] May be she is actually into making wines and related intimately to the vineyards

[S] true

[S] it's inevitable than an old woman should be walking in this vineyard

[S] little girl or old man even doesn't offer the same harmony

[N] yes true

[N] i insist one reads haiku loud to feel it well even its rhythm and hidden phonetical nuances

[S] yes

[S] the original is also better in that sense than the shuffled reading

[S] the kireji feels more natural there

[N] it invokes "karumi" and "aware" too implicitly ~

[N] yes true

[S] i forget what karumi is ~ lightness ?

[N] Karumi ~ lightness ~ In haikai and Haiku the beauty of ordinary things

[S] yes

[S] it does

[N] i did not realize before there was so much possibility in delving into the nuances of this haiku

[S] yes it is amazing

[N]

[N] so another chat for our haiku collection